An Epiphany

My husband and I have been married for over a 1 year and a half now. We are at the stage of our life where we are ready to take on children and parenting and are eager to start our little family.

As we are on this journey, things didn’t happen quite like I had planned(I can’t image why not :) ). I thought we would get pregnant the first month we tried and that everything would be just hunky dory. Well, surprise, it’s been multiple months, and still no baby.

I admit, I was crushed that first month when I realized we weren’t pregnant and that my “perfect plan” wasn’t coming to fruition.

My husband and I have been praying every night “Lord, bless us with a baby” or similar and have been crossing our fingers every month that I would get a positive test. While I do believe that God absolutely wants to grant us the desires of our heart and praying this way is what we are supposed to do bibically, I had an "ah-ha" moment today while praying this. 

While praying today, the Lord reminded me of a lesson I’ve had to learn before.

If you’ve read my about me section, you know that before I met my husband, the Lord had quietly urged me to stop dating and to focus on my relationship with Him and fixing some of my personal issues. The Lord showed me that I had some things I needed to work on personally and spiritually before I was ready to be a wife. I fought the Lord on this for awhile, but as soon as I gave up control, and let Him work in my life, He graciously brought Michael into my life and blessed me with the wonderful marriage we have today.

However, if I wouldn’t have let God mold and shape me during those months before I met Michael, I would not be prepared to be in a marriage relationship, or to be a good wife.

As I sat praying for a child today, I was reminded that maybe, I’m not done learning how to be a good wife; that God still has lessons he needs me to learn and areas to I need to grow in before I can take on the challenge of being a good wife AND a good mom.

Just as God urged me to give up my desire of a husband back then, maybe I need to give up my desire to be a mom right now, so that I can grow and learn in the areas where I’m not ready for motherhood.

I don’t know about you, but when I do have children, I want to be the best parent I can be. I want to be a godly influence in their life, an encourager, supporter, challenger and role model in their life. I truly believe that I cannot be any of those things if I don’t let God mold me into the person he needs me to be.

God doesn’t give you what you want, He gives you what you need. I want to be given what I need to be a good wife. I want to be the best wife I can possibly be for my husband. I want this so that I can bless my husband, and also, so that when I do have to take on the role as mom, I can embrace that full-heartedly without worrying that I am neglecting my role as my husband’s partner.

So today, my new prayer is that God would mold me into the person he wants me to be. That I would learn the lessons He needs me to learn so that I can be the best wife I can be, and when His timing is right, the best mom I can be.

Today, I am delaying my desire to be a mom, for the greater desire of being formed in the image of my Savoir and Creator.

“ I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11